Monthly Archives: June 2007

nervous

Posted on June 25, 2007 | Leave a comment

my father is going for back surgery tomorrow. we’re waking up at 4:30 am…I can’t sleep. It’s already a quarter to 1. inside of my purse there are a couple of books (The Count of Monte Cristo and To Kill a Mockingbird) along with a gameboy advance sp, my fully charged cellphone, a couple of bags of 100 calorie fudge cookie packets and various odds and ends.

I had physical therapy today, and while my back hurts from being stretched out…I can’t help but be grateful that this health condition was found early on. I could have ended up like my father – only 49 years old and with a ruined back. I’ll let you know how he is once I get back home. He has to stay overnight at least once. I hope everything will be okay. He was very downcast and melancholy tonight. He’s been hearing horror stories from concerned colleagues and their influence has really put him on edge. I think he’s feeling his mortality right now. My boyfriend and I watched Click tonight. The frailty of human life was elegantly exposed, but the film touched a nerve or two in the tear duct department in the corners of my eyes. I’m glad I didn’t ask my dad to watch it with me. He would have probably freaked out. I know that I would have if I were in his place.

Rachel, over and out.

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Posted in Introspection

Tagged count of monte cristo, dad, medical problems, surgery

graduation 2007

Posted on June 22, 2007 | Leave a comment

my sister graduated high school tonight. I’ll try to have pictures soon (and I’m working on another video too, though i have to work on my vlogging skills. my boyfriend feels that i have too much of a reporter-persona going on and that it’s not the *real* me speaking).

a lot changed since i graduated, even though it was only two years ago. being a spectator in the stands was much different than being a graduate on the field. i remember the surge of adrenaline coursing through me, and tried to recapture that excitement, but today was my sister’s day. i cannot recall the exact way my hands were shaking, my heart was thumping, or how that feeling seemed to overflow even into nature, until the skies broke, the rain poured down, and a rainbow etched itself behind my graduating class. i watched with pride and unity as the class took its victory lap around the track and the triumphant cars beeping all over my town, signaling that another class had entered the ‘real world’ left me both annoyed at the sound (I guess one does mature in a relatively short period of time) and with an indescribable mixture of longing to feel that intensely again, yet satisfied that the chapter has been closed behind me.

my sister and i paid for French pedicures today. getting my nails done always leaves me self-conscious. i hate people touching my feet, for one, but i also always feel bad that someone else is doing such hideous grudge work – cutting toenails, scraping out cuticles…the thought is really horrific. i try to compliment the person tending to me though, whether it be her hairstyle, jewelry, or attire just because i want them to know that i value them as a person and to not feel as though i am better than them in any way.

back to the whole graduating reflection thing – while a lot does change (like one’s means of residence, planning/studying for a future career, losing touch with some friends, etc.) the exterior alterations are nothing compared to the internal ones. my perspective and mind has expanded so much since I’ve been out of high school; it feels as though my brain is being overwhelmed with new information. my core belief systems and habits are constantly being reviewed, mended, and cut like a tailor-cut outfit that is constantly being altered.

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Posted in College Life

Tagged class of 2007, high school graduation

failing at friendship

Posted on June 18, 2007 | Leave a comment

a relatively close friend of mine just called me up. she was upset. it’s 1:47 am and she wanted me to come outside because she got into an argument or some altercation with an inebriated sibling. she never complains about anything. the entire family’s asleep. the house is locked up for the night and i do not live on the ground floor. the security alarms are activated. it’s dark in the house. there are several booby traps that i won’t discuss, all in place. it’s like the home alone movie set here and she asked if i could come outside.

i couldn’t meet her unless i wanted to wake up my parents and little sister, which would get me 1) in trouble and 2) them mad at me. i had to say, “I’m sorry, but”…

she said she’d call tomorrow. i hope she’s alright. i feel like such a crappy friend.

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Posted in Family and Friendship, Intersessions, Less than Stellar Days

Tagged friendships, in a bind, lousy friend

the doctor. part I

Posted on June 4, 2007 | Leave a comment

Two years ago, I spent 10 days in the hospital for pulmonary emboli, blood clots in my lungs. The hematologist never found an underlying blood condition, but I’m nearly convinced that there’s something wrong. I read up online that being on a blood thinner can mask the conditions that are tested with d-dimer tests. I was on warfarin at the time. I’m saying all of this because my leg has been hurting me lately. It was a dull ache in the beginning, over two years ago. I began to have frequent and severe leg cramps (a symptom of deep vein thrombosis that can lead to pulmonary embolism) at night, but I attributed it to a new mattress. The leg cramps pretty much ceased while I was on the warfarin for the following six months, but a little while after ending my treatments they came back. I was a fitness fiend at the time, going to the gym every day, so I just assumed that I had been overworking my leg muscles while working out. To make an even longer back story shorter, my left leg constantly hurts now. It used to be only at night, but the pain is slowly increasing from annoying to sharply noticeable. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow and I’ll update you once I know what’s going on. I hope that it’s nothing serious. It’s no fun to be sick.

Better news -

I slept over my cousin’s house because his parents went out for the evening. Although he is fourteen and practically capable of taking care of himself, we had a blast playing Donkey Konga, watching The Pursuit of Happyness, playing billiards, and talking. My aunt and uncle were nice enough to take us out to breakfast this morning. We went shopping for my cousin’s new suit (he had a growth spurt and couldn’t fit into his old one properly). He needs it for a big middle school thesis that is going to be judged by a panel of supervising adults (pretty scary stuff for an 8th grader to go through – I would still be scared!). My family also attended my cousin’s fiancée’s bridal shower. We played a game called Toilet Paper Bride, where the woman who had the largest handbags by table had to be dressed in a toilet paper bridal gown. I used three rolls and wrapped my sister up. My team was lucky that she was wearing a belt that day because that’s how her dress was pretty much held together. We won by a landslide. I went to my friend’s pool on the evening before that, but I wasn’t about to swim. The water was freezing and I did not bring a swimsuit because I was not planning to stay for all that long. I ended up picking up Dunkin Donuts for the group of people who were shivering in the cold depths of the above ground pool, and swinging by the house of another friend who locked himself out of his car and had a spare set of keys at home.

It was a weekend of fun, but eventually a weekday has to arrive to break up the pleasant monotony of good times and staying up late without concerning oneself with setting an alarm for the consequential Monday morning. Right?