One of my previous residents joined our staff this year. She was always a very good resident, low key and lived in a suite with a group of friends. She had roommate issues that I was not aware of, but my partner was perceptive enough to ask about them. There was a segment of lectures where we anonymously wrote down and read our reasons for becoming resident advisors.
I froze in horror when one read: “Because my RA failed me.”
I am plagued by worry that it’s in reference to me. I don’t know whether it would be appropriate to address the issue with her, or to leave it alone.
I think my true worry comes from the constant sense of being perceived by others in this leadership role. I feel a lot of pressure on my mental self-image built from this past year, and I only know that it will not relent until I am done with this task in life. However, I enjoy being employed by the school, the good feelings that buzz through my bloodstream when something goes right, when someone is benefited by my presence, and I am unwilling to relinquish the title so soon.
I feel better after writing this out – I did the best job that I could do, given the circumstances and the amount of people. Would I re-do several instances? Perhaps, but the old saying of ‘nobody is perfect’ happens to be perfectly true. I cannot torture myself with things that I will never know, namely how others viewed me. I can only move forward and devote myself entirely to the new ones moving in this upcoming week.
My friend sent me this joke to make me feel better -
Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. “When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken.”
“Yes,” says Harry, “that’s inflation for you.”
“It’s nothing to do with inflation,” says grandma, “it’s all them fucking security cameras they have nowadays.”
