Happy Birthday, RBJ!

The Rice Bowl Journals celebrated their 8th anniversary on November 20, 2008. As part of their continuous monthly Writing Collaborations, this post will focus on how I came across RBJ.

I found RBJ during a random Google search almost four years ago. I was hosted on a server at the time and desperately worried because I had owed money for college and didn’t earn enough (even with 100% going toward savings) to pay the first bill in time to matriculate without hefty interest penalties.

I started my campaign right away, and yes, I’m embarrassed to admit that I used the consider-a-donation tactic before I barely introduced myself to the wonderful community that has been so supportive to me. I was young(er), naive, and worried. I felt alone. And rightly so, I was rebuked for this attempt and set straight, in a nice and patient way though. One post in particular emphasized the fact that I was intruding in on a community, and I was a perfect stranger. I thought about that word for awhile, as my life took a bad turn or two. Everybody goes through pitfalls, however, and this was a valuable experience.

I realized that this sense of loneliness and misery transcended my need for money at the time, and other issues. The thought of RBJ was alluring, and a new worry came up as soon as the primary one was generously erased by my avid blog readers (for which I was openly thankful) – I wanted to belong to the RBJ community. I was too afraid that I had blown my chances, even if only online, and that I would be shunned as I always had been offline (left unrecognized as an Asian or considered “not Asian enough”), but this time for being rude and just plain stupid. I believed there was no hope of being openly welcomed again, and after clumsily posting a sincere apology, I left the site alone.

I started college that Fall, and felt worse. I had a roommate who slept more than she was awake. I was in a new place without any friends. I was still recovering from my  near death experience. It was a bad transition.

I went back to the website after awhile and re-introduced myself on their forums. I took the time to get acquainted, at least electronically, with those within the RBJ circle, so to speak, and felt better. Much better. I started to post in the forums. RBJ provided me with more than an outlet – it consisted of people who may have never met one another, but who genuinely cared, a united community.

Over time, I came to feel at home in my new environment. I adjusted. I’m still struck by pangs of insecurity and fret that I am truly an unaccepted outsider, but these thoughts are silly given my level of interaction and involvement on campus and within the surrounding neighborhood.

So appropriately, this will be one of my posts as America nears the Thanksgiving meal this Thursday. There will be more to follow. Happy 8th birthday, RBJ. I’ve upgraded to an enhanced membership as a present to you, giving back and fixing my initial wrongs. Also, thank you, Carlos!