It was a downpour. A delicious salad had been eaten. The tip had been paid. My classmate and I waited beneath the pub awning as the rain fell in heaps. It was akin to what an irritated, giant neighbor might do to noisy giant tenants lingering outside, beneath his window, during early hours of the morning – pour buckets upon buckets of water onto them. Excuse my literary exaggeration.
So, anyway, I called up my boyfriend, and asked for a ride. He agreed, but was grumpy to say the least.
“I am not paying for a toll,” he moodily stated, as my classmate gave him directions to her address.
“Obviously, her or I would pay for that,” I said in a short, clipped voice. There was no toll.
The rain fell harder on our way back from her place. We parked in silence. Walked in silence. Entered our home in silence. Spent the next hour or so in silence. My classmate text messaged me, thanking us for the ride. I responded with an apology on his behalf. I like to smooth over social faux pas, and
“Why are you in such a bad mood?” I tentatively asked. He was watching his new favorite show, Heroes, season 2. After a moment he replied, “I don’t know. Just am.”
I probably asked the question a few more times, but did not want to nag. Becoming a nuisance or annoyance, a prodding, pushy housewife is not at the top of my goals in life. It’s nowhere on the list, actually, and is primarily one of my biggest commitment-related fears.
Later, he held my hand as we packed up to meet relatives about the previously mentioned family emergency. He said, “I was grumpy for two reasons: 1) Gyroscopic motion of bicycle wheels and I read a ridiculous article about Chinese language and how its character system makes it more difficult to type. You have to basically learn English first! It’s so inefficient. Most languages adapted away from a pictograph-based system!”
I stared at him in shock, “You’re joking, right? You were upset over Chinese and gyroscopes?”
“Gyroscopic motion,” he corrected, “and yes, It was incredibly irritating and I was frustrated. I wanted to read a different article, something to get me out of that mood, but then you called and I had no time to readjust the way I was feeling with something better.”
Somehow, I find his logic endearing. This instance is also a perfect example of the cognitive behavioral perspective, which believes that the way one thinks generally affects emotion and primarily, behavior. Reality isn’t important or even discernible – the subjective experiences and perceptions of the person is what really matters and determines how he or she views the world. The way to correct inappropriate behavior is by having an understanding of his or her thought process. Reframing one’s thoughts can have an extremely powerful effect on his or her life. It amazed me at how easily his thoughts influenced his mood and interactions with others. As soon as he began thinking more positively, his annoyed emotions subsided, and he was able to communicate more openly, causing less tension between us.
If this were Twitter, I would hash tag #psychgeek.
