Asian is Alluring

There are many stereotypes involving Asian culture. Every race and ethnic background has its stigmas and hurdles to overcome, whether they are founded in truth or merely fabricated out of unfortunate, enduring yarn. We all bear the burden of others’ perceptions, but it is a true tragedy when an individual commits mental harm upon him or herself. Similar to the ‘Black is Beautiful’ movement, I believe an ‘Asian is Alluring’ grassroots scene is needed to effectively help Asian girls combat the negative images and mixed messages of what it means to be considered beautiful.

I developed an integrated sense of acculturation, having grown up in an accepting, open-minded area within America. It is difficult for me to imagine someone being ashamed of their heritage. Now, do not take this little rant as ignorant bellowing – there are plenty of faults within cultural groups as well, like some traditional customs that some might tout as cruel or outdated. However, I believe that every custom is rooted in some sort of historical context and that differences do not automatically equate to absurdity; while a value system or practice may seem outlandish for one group, it may make justifiable sense in another.

All of this explanation being stated, it emotionally pained me to see this Father’s Day postcard on PostSecret:

I do not know the cause(s) of this person’s hatred – perhaps they do not have a positive relationship with their father, maybe they feel insecure about their physical appearance for whatever reason, and pinpoint a flaw back to some Asian genetic code, or maybe some outside source, like a judgmental individual, has made them feel badly about their culture in some way or another.

Whatever their reason may be, the sadness of my reaction is based upon the empathy I feel for this individual. It is upsetting that he or she is feeling some level of pain or discomfort to the point of taking it out on their father’s heritage, and by default, their own. It is not my call to determine one’s means of racial self-identification, however, my father is an excellent dad who strives to expose me to the intricacies and beauty of Chinese culture. I was lucky in this way.

He helped me to feel beautiful and comfortable in my biracial skin. There have been reports and articles on Asian women who undergo cosmetic surgery to change and widen the shape of their eyes. This is not true of all Asian women – I, for one, love my ‘almond’ shape, slanted even, though this term bears a more negative connotation. I hope that this person will be able to find the strength and confidence to feel the same one day, hopefully in the near future. I wish this individual to find peace in his or her relationship with their Asian father.

There is a social misconception that Asian men do not favor or desire daughters. Sure, there is a patriarchal tendency, where sons are honored. This tendency has been reinforced by thousands of years in a society that depended upon males to not only carry on the family lineage, but to work. Concubines were not acquired to express hedonistic and sexual prowess, but to demonstrate one’s ability to provide for such a large number of lovers and wives (and their children), and by extension, a show of one’s social status, wealth, and power. People are outraged by the history of feet-binding, which I would never want to have had performed on me, yet many fail to recognize this trend as an external symbol of aristocracy. Women who had their feet bound were not exactly the working class type of females.

In modern day China, the number of children one is able to bear and raise is regulated and the horrific statistics about female infanticide and gender selective abortion clearly documents a future problem of gender imbalance. However, I am not growing up in China. I am American, and my family, on both sides, have assimilated quite readily and eagerly. As a result, I cannot speak for the females in China. I know little about their struggles, but I have witnessed many Chinese-born females who have been able to acquire higher education degrees abroad in the U.S.

Have I grown up with the sense that my first-cousin, the only male bearing my grandfather’s last name, was favored? Not really. He participates in a few rituals, namely surname clan reunions where many females have since been included, but nothing extensive that would exclude me if I truly wanted to take part and get involved. Actually, the males in my father’s family are very present in my life, and supportive. I remember being encouraged to pursue education, a career, a family – whatever made me happy, but self-sufficient. There are no expectations for me to kowtow to any man for the sake of recognizing his penis as a physiological appendage that I happen to lack. I was always given affection, even when having my familial expectations subtly ingrained – I am a strong observer of filial piety overall and do not view an Eastern perspective as a hindrance or weighing affliction.

In short, I love for my dad for making me half Asian.