We all experience little events that throw us off-kilter. Mine was knocking my noggin on a metal bar. It was a bloody affair, but thankfully did not need stitches.
I’m better now, if embarrassed and behind in my writing. Very behind in reviews.
Thanks for sticking with me. I’ll post here again very soon.
Junk food rarely makes its way into my kitchen. However, I wanted to try these limited edition peppermint Oreos and bought them as a small present to myself. They are perfectly minty and I look forward to using them in some fun dessert recipes this winter. They also were a mood lifter after the emotional roller coaster endured this week.
I unexpectedly spoke with a middle school class about cyberbullying. However, I became surprisingly emotional when discussing familial experiences with it and felt embarrassed, unprofessional. I didn’t sob, but my voice wavered. There were a couple shed, silent tears. The present teachers were equally taken aback by my watery recollection, but they supported my message. I am usually in control and thought this topic was safe, that enough time passed to heal. I should have been there for my sister. I can’t continue to blame myself.
My immediate reaction was shame, embarrassment. Anger at myself and slight fear at their reactions (and possibly administration’s) flitted through me. I kept replaying the moment on a repeated loop.
Self-disclosure is only beneficial in a therapeutic setting if it helps the clients, not if it makes me, the clinician, feel better. I thought about it and struggled with whether or not my vulnerability was a complete slip-up, but it wasn’t planned. It was a genuine reaction. We are only human. I felt so green and new, a failure. On one hand, I think it was useful for them to know there are adults who can help, that cyberbullying is not something to tolerate or perpetuate against others. Also, it’s vital they understand the long-term damage (and eventual successes) one experiences after surviving a similar situation. Originally, this lesson was taught through a weak, non-applied worksheet. They were not engaged and acted disinterested, laughing the entire topic off. However, they opened up and began to share after my stupid display and other educators’ personal stories. We forged a safe sharing environment that would not have been possible if we did not give them a platform. Real work was done and an honest, deep conversation.
On the other hand, I should have been in better control of my feelings in the matter. It was a rough week with several family emergencies; maybe I should have called out to collect myself instead of attempt the day. I would have steeled myself if given advance notice.
I can’t take today back now, so torturing myself won’t beget any productive outcome. I can only improve from here. And perhaps eat another cookie.
Posted in Bad Days, NaBloPoMo, Psychology
Tagged counseling, cyberbullying, NaBloPoMo, oreos, peppermint oreo, self-disclosure
Sorel selected me as a winner in their recent Fearless campaign with the tweet posted above. My nominee and I chose Sorelia Earhart boots for prizes and received them a few weeks ago, right before the early Halloween snowfall.
courtesy of Sorel.com
Today, Sorel asked fans to post why they were #SORELThankful. Winning tangibly represented my sister’s resilience. I won’t go into detail about everything she endured, but my sister got in with the wrong crowd, wanting to be accepted and popular. Initially, she was, but then the bullying began.
Posted in Bad Days, Family, Fashion & Trends, Good Days, NaBloPoMo
Tagged #sorelthankful, boots, bullying, cyberbullying, mean girls, NaBloPoMo, Sorel
Readers may already know about my writing affiliation with Technorati, the Internet’s top-notch blog search engine and indexing directory. I began writing for them when I received an invitation this past summer. Fortunately, I still receive daily e-mails and notices from headquarters as a member writer despite my lax participation lately.
Today, I was distraught to learn one of their employees, Tracy Williams, has been missing since November 2, 2011.
Tagged missing person, NaBloPoMo, Technorati, Tracy Williams
Bad luck continues to trail me this week.
Pt II of Let’s Call Him ‘Cliffhanger’.
These things only take a moment, and this instance extrapolated from a hesitated second. I sensed him two feet away from me and he paused to pick up a banana peel, then stopped. I didn’t want him to see me turn into our shared building and paused, grasping in my purse for my cellphone.
“You’re a smart girl, not distracted by texting, your face buried against some screen. Good for you!” he exclaimed in short order, sidling up next to me. Far too close and smelling like mothballs, beer, and subtle body odor.
No, I am the smart girl who miscalculated his body language and believed he would figure I was too distracted to approach. Valuable lesson learned; never trust an unbalanced person to react with social propriety.
“Thank you,” I said kindly, but clipped.
A 20-something year old walked by, texting and tripping slightly.
“Like her!” he bellowed, “A pretty young woman, but not aware of her surroundings at all!”
She startled and asked, “What?” then returned to her screen, not waiting for a response. She continued on her way.
“See?” he laughed, standing closer, “The world’s changed since I was in Vietnam, but you don’t have time to listen to the ramblings of an old man. You need to go somewhere, maybe to visit a boyfriend?”
At least in spirit and heart.
Light jazz filters through the ship’s carefully concealed speakers.
Posted in Bad Days
Tagged big easy, mississippi river, new orleans, nola, riverboat
This week was particularly difficult – a relative lost his home in Joplin from the tornado and my boyfriend was temporarily sick enough to need an emergency call for an ambulance.
plants growing out of a car trunk hinge covered in decomposed leaves.
I learned that these moments aren’t permanent; they are not impossible to overcome. Sometimes, you have to search awhile for the right footing, take a few risks and scrape your knee, or even ask for a boost. Sometimes you have to wait it out or search further along the barrier to find a suitable way. In other times, there isn’t necessarily a clear-cut solution, but one must learn to accept the terms and reality of the situation, and cope enough to move forward; those who dwell in the past are mere shadows in the present.
In both cases this week, I am thankful that my loved ones are safe and alive. I am thankful for a lot this evening.
you can sing a new song.
Lately, life’s been a bit off kilter.
Jokes aren’t translated well over the internet, and I accidentally offended the mother of one of my closest friends. It was an accident, and any callousness in my words left only regret and hurt.
I’ve undergone a lot of stress over the years for this person, earned their trust in a multitude of ways, and I hope this event will not tarnish that relationship. She responded: “I know you would not do something so low, but I did not appreciate it . I still love you.” Sometimes, being forgiven hurts worse than being called out on an offense. At times in the past, I would have relished sinking in my self-loathing, but the feeling is foreign to me now and completely uncomfortable.
Good intentions are sometimes misconstrued, sure. Recently, someone close to me was also laid off from work (their employer did not hold proper licenses for the business to run), but there was contention as to whether they would be paid wages for their worked hours. Upset for them, I dug up various laws and regulations, including claim forms and other legal documents meant to help them, should they choose a plan of action. Instead, my actions were accepted as too pushy and overzealous – this was a relationship I was working to rebuild after years of misunderstandings and emotional pain.
Additionally, a relative who I grew up with is suffering from mental anguish that severely impacts their interactions with others. I’ve been mistakenly named as part of an alleged plot against them, which only serves to hurt since they were like an older sibling to me. The wound becomes more ragged due to the supposed credentials I bear, but a person cannot help another who does not want to change.
There are several add-ons of things going wrong, but there is no point I was walking on solid ground, and I feel as though it’s all been turning to thin ice lately. I’m praying for colder weather, something to freeze the churning waters below my feet.
For any I’ve unintentionally hurt, I’m sorry. For those who are shunning me at the moment, I miss you. The only way out of this is to try to communicate emphatically and with empathy, or to let it slide and hope things turn around.
My foundation is not strong enough to bear the brunt of all others’ pains, but I try because I love them, because I’m driven by some innate force to do good in this world. I am by no means a savior, just a little flame trying to pass on the flame to another left in the dark. Yet, I’m starting to realize that if I let my light extinguish, there will be none for anyone else.
As one of my colleagues said after a very trying day, “I try to stay upbeat, but sometimes I can almost feel it poisoning me.”
I don’t want to treat those I care about like they’re imbibing me with poison. Yet, if that’s the case, I am not a solid FDA-approved antidote.
Posted in Bad Days
Tagged forgiveness, mistakes, misunderstanding, regret, ruined relationships
The person has an unpredictable, slightly violent history, and our interactions with them have been rocky at best – it really wasn’t a shock when the telephone warning came through, the oily details coating our ears in slick grim, our nerves edged and coated with grease.
I guess every job holds its dangers.
No oil spill or bloodshed, thankfully. A three-day weekend never looked so good. More engaging posts (hopefully) to follow – have to soothe my apprehensive, trembling limbs a bit first.
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