Category Archives: gamer blues

you know you’re dating a gamer when #3

“I have a dragon!!!” he exclaimed. “Oh?” I asked in a way that bordered between ‘Tell me more’ and ‘That’s nice, I’m studying.’ “Yes! But it was sad before. I wanted to know whether it could be killed.” “And?” I asked in much the same manner. “Well, I kept hitting it with my weapon, and it fell. And died.” “Makes sense,” I murmered. “Yes, but the horse doesn’t die when you hit it. It just gets knocked unconscious for awhile.” “So you hit these poor animated creatures often enough to figure this stuff out?” I questioned. Silence.

you know you’re dating a gamer when #2

The stairs were an uphill struggle. So many of them. But he met me in the desolate, dark street, steering us away from the threat of a frightened skunk staring at us with its dark marble eyes.

Protecting me from the unknown dangers that partly exist in the horrific nightmares of the soul and daggers in jacket pockets concealed from the exposure of street lights and moon.

“I am the champion,” he gleamed as we continued to climb.

Of?” I ventured, slightly preoccupied with the thought of research and the haphazard annoyance of APA format.

“The world! I completed all of the quests.”

“Now what will you do?” I teased, imagining our curled, happy forms watching rented movies or perhaps discussing the private details of our professional days, hands entwined.

“I have two expansion packs to install! With more quests! Another complete world with more adventures!” he answered.

My visions dissipated without bitterness, but defeat that should have been divined from the very start of our conversation.

you know you’re dating a gamer when #1

Boyfriend grabs a video game case and opens the instruction manual, eyes filled with anticipatory glee.

He unfolds a sepia-toned map that looks like it was blotted with damp tea bags prior to lamination.

“Behold,” he proclaims triumphantly, “the Province of Cyrodiil!!!”

“Do you want to frame it?” I ask jokingly, warily.

“What?” he says quizzically, “No! This is purely used for reference – not decoration.”

“You’re right. It’s definitely not meant for decoration.”

He happily pins the map over his desk, next to the advertisement of a chimpanzee drinking alcohol from a glass bottle. I wince.