1. Live-in couples function very similarly to married couples. Really. Even sans ring, our locksmith, cable company, building superintendent, and neighbors refer to me as his wife and call him my husband. They can tell we’re a cohesive unit, even if their assumption is out of politeness.
2. It’s vital to work as a team to balance work, home life, and domestic chores. We learned to make time for one another, despite our crazy schedules, and developed set routines. I believe it may change when we get older, but for now, we shop for groceries and drag our dirty clothes to the laundromat together. We set aside time to watch Netflix. I help him iron in the mornings when he’s running late. He calls to make sure I don’t sleep past my alarm clock. We pay bills at the same time. We’re fortunate in this mutual arrangement because so many couples living together split apart from not being able to work as a team. Our coordination exceeds any standard roommate situation.
3. We’re a united front – for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We divvy up the responsibilities, but also form a united front emotionally. We support one another through the ups and downs life offers.
4. Communication is key. I cannot emphasize this point enough, especially when you see the other person on a daily basis, share a small living space, and happen to disagree on something. Screaming, belittling, and cursing are unacceptable in our relationship. We make ourselves look at one another, take a deep breath, and sit down. Then, we hold hands and give each other a chance to have our say before talking it out. People in a committed relationship, but living apart from one another might be able to impulsively spout hurtful things without much forethought. Not us (further, he likes the way I cook and who would risk that perk?). I did not have the best role models when it came to understanding how this communication thing worked, but credit his patience and my personal development in college to really ironing out the kinks. Plus, our method gives us good practice in case there are little impressionable ears around in the future.
5. Have mutual consideration and respect for your significant place in each other’s lives. I am a pretty independent person, but have a bad habit of forgetting to let my boyfriend know if my day-to-day routine changes. Once, I went on a quick errand that turned into a few hours because I met up with an old friend unexpectedly there. I forgot to tell my boyfriend about this run-in and he grew concerned that I was hurt or missing. On occasion, I work late and forget to tell him too, which leads to more worry. I’m working hard to improve though though and making some progress.
6. Always show the other how much you love them, no matter how tired you might feel. Recently, I watched some vapid reality show, alternating between Chopped and Cops and ate dry cereal out of the box. I had tangled hair, smudged make-up, and old, worn clothing. He stopped, looked at me and said, “I would marry you just as you are now.” Your live-in partner sees all sides of you – not just you after you showered and dolled yourself up. He sees me at my worst and thinks I’m still wonderful. I am so lucky.
7. Compromise. From picking out housewares to the more formidable questions, like our parenting preferences and lifestyle habits…certain things are going to give. I am an admitted clean freak, but he is the polar opposite. We struggled a lot with learning how to live with one another. Now, he helps with chores and tries to keep house better while I repeat the mantra, “It’s just a small pile of clothes on the floor” a few dozen times a week so as not to become an overzealous nag.
Would you ever live with someone before marriage? Why or why not? If you are or have before, what did you learn?
