Category Archives: Religion

Stars and Subways

When I moved to the city, I left many things and beloved people, but the only longing I feel now stems from my inability to regularly walk outside, turn my face up to the sky, and soak in the stars.

Shown above: Pictorial iOS app screenshot

Instead, this sprawling concrete and steel land lends countless lights, bright, blinking, burnt out, enormous, and small. Some are static and stretched across expansive billboards, while others zigzag across Midtown as cabs, double-decker tourist buses, methodical MTA beasts, and frantic, varying cars. They are beautiful, dazzling, and disorienting. One can lose themselves in pursuit or avoidance of them. Sometimes, these subtle reminders keep one grounded, level-headed.

I had a fantastic conversation with someone from a different religious perspective today. We discovered many similarities despite our theological and personal differences, and our mutual recognition and respect for one another helps ease my yearning for Orion’s Belt a little while longer. We all share the same eternal glow. I do not need to search out or keep to myself all the time. Others are there to accept and understand as long as I take the leap to reach out, listen, and share in return.

Pawlenty is nauseating

It’s bad enough that the Republicans have not been exactly kind to President Obama’s attempts at bridging the parties. His State of the Union address was brilliantly executed, but many sat there with stoic faces.

There is a wise sentiment that a person knows the kind of advice they’re going to get based on the person they’re asking for said advice, and the same holds when choosing which news network to watch – Fox News is more conservative and I knew that prior to watching Time Pawlenty criticize President Obama’s administration. Tim Pawlenty is one of several presidential candidates in the running for the Republican bid in 2012. I am a strong believer in bipartisanship and am not affiliated with any party. I find that tying oneself to a particular viewpoint without being open to other ideas has a tendency to close one off, to create ties of loyalty beyond reason. I also don’t feel like making jokes relative to pop culture in any way endears oneself to the public. Aaron of BriteThorn eloquently agrees. Fox News’ flaunting of his religious faith as an evangelical Christian seems irrelevant to how he could lead a diverse nation as well. Although Tim Pawlenty aligned his views with those of our Founding Fathers,  many were non-practicing skeptics of their respective denominations.

I have staunchly defended President Obama’s actions thus far because I feel we are not at a stage that warrants criticism. Political agendas have implicated that Obama has had more than enough time. They cite that his reforms and taxation policies in support of stimulus packages have not done the job and that it’s time to look forward to when we can oust him from office. However, they are using him as a scapegoat for the Bush administration. The previous eight years brought us to where we stand today, and before that, our dealings with the Middle East during the Cold War set the kindling to fuel the current fire in which we find ourselves surrounded. How does one burn out an engulfing forest fire? A firebreak. Back burning. Either way, it’s going to require a bit of renovation of the land. A little destruction and change that everyone may not agree with, but it’s better than suffocating to death. It’s also preventative in nature and done with the intent of preservation for future occurrences when the flames seek out matter to burn. Give Obama three more years before placing more judgment his way. He is already fighting an inferno and could use our support, our buckets of water and oxygen tanks over hateful or self-serving bales of hay.

The Vatican rocks out

L’Osservatore Romano is a publication that reports weekly on the Holy See. While usually associated with a serious image focused on catechism and Vatican activities, its writers have taken a more modern approach. Headlines worldwide have reported on the ‘shocking’ article that recommends artists like The Beatles and Michael Jackson.

As an American Catholic, it is refreshing to see that the Church recognizes the value of human creativity in the current age, and I could not agree more with the explanation of why Bob Dylan was excluded (having endured his performance in person and being that I have suffered years of his music in dating a loyal Bob Dylan fan). While some Catholics may not agree with the more open-minded tone of L’Osservatore Romano as of late, top-notch Catholic news seem to embrace the list.

Religion is an interesting phenomenon. Man-made? Yes. From a divine source? Possibly. I think the most important facet of duly following a religion is being able to openly critique it, struggle with moments of doubt, and still ultimately believe. Sure, I am influenced by my upbringing, and part of my belief may be founded in those embedded values. However, many object to doctrine or outdated traditions, and the Church’s history of hypocrisy and violence. Others cite the exposed sex scandals of its clergy and cry for the Church’s overall demolition.

Humans are fallible and err, but the underlying intentions of the Church remain pure. Despite the turmoil and wreckage, the splintering into various off-branches (Protestantism), and less than flattering press, the Church has endured and remains whole, welcoming, and inclusive. Recently, I was privy to a conversation with two close friends, an atheist and Christian from another denomination. Both debated back and forth while I remained silent. I have had my fill of theological debate and abuse as a Philosophy major during my undergraduate studies and simply wanted to listen. They concluded their discussion with the same concession and admiration that I hold for the Church – no matter where you are in the world, there is acceptance, a sense of belonging in being Catholic, and its familial atmosphere is perhaps one of its strongest attributes. To me, Catholicism represents home.  Community. Love. Faith.

When I suffer my dark nights of the soul, I still know that when I find my way back, it will always be home and in front of an altar. The Church does not represent a sepulcher of God, as Nietzsche once proclaimed. We have not killed God, although we ignorantly believe our understanding of a higher power implies a creation of one. Recognition is not the same as Creation. A struggle to understand that which is beyond our comprehension is only human nature. Though it can be argued that arrogance is not sinful, there are not many who can posit that it is an affable trait to covet and encourage.

The Lenten season is not about giving up that which we enjoy to honor pointless rituals. It is not forced upon anyone. The idea of fasting and sacrifice is common to most religions, even those spiritual veins which practice without for the purification of oneself. It has healthy side effects that are physically, socially, and psychologically beneficial. I have given up chocolate, which entails many desserts and empty calories. I am dedicating conscious effort into performing good deeds, which certainly has a ripple effect on my interactions and relationships with others. Since most deeds are done with a self-serving purpose, the euphoria and esteem felt at helping others will only bolster my confidence and overall mood. Eating healthier, creating an atmosphere of social harmony, and feeling positive about myself are bound to have positive influences on the way I experience the world. Maybe I’ll listen to some recommended songs by the Vatican throughout this season as well, and change my perspective on the everyday, the mundane with renewed appreciation.

from The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

One of the many passages that held interest for me -

‘Then those people are right who say that Heaven and Hell are only states of mind?’

‘Hush,’ he said sternly. ‘Do not blaspheme. Hell is a state of mind – ye never said a truer word. And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind- is, in the end, Hell. But Heaven is not a state of mind. Heaven is reality itself. All that is fully real is Heavenly. For all that can be shaken will be shaken and only the unshakable remains.’

‘But there is a real choice after death? My Roman Catholic friends would be surprised, for to them souls in Purgatory are already saved. And my Protestant friends would like it no better, for they’d say that the tree lies as it falls.’

‘They’re both right, maybe. do not fash yourself with such questions. Ye cannot fully understand the relations of choice and Time till you are beyond both. And ye were not brought here to study such curiosities. What concerns you is the nature of the choice itself: and that ye can watch them making.’

A state of mind does become one’s imprisonment or one’s paradise. I am one of the only ‘believers’ left in my school’s philosophy major – I am surrounded by a sea of atheistic and agnostic existentialists who forget that even Nietzsche laments the lack of a need for God, and overlooks the necessity of faith or admittance of the unknown for any major thinker. Arguments can be built and doctrines can be followed, but what really exists beyond all of our conjecture is not perceptible or fully understandable to us – it never will be and I do not think that its inability to be discerned was ever an accident, given the assumption that an underlying purpose does exist.

I am satisfied in what C.S. Lewis said through his Scottish Ghost character – I am satisfied with watching others make the choice and perhaps that interest is what draws me into psychology. I like to fiddle with statistical relevance every now and then – I like to see numerical trends, but a bit of the mystery is still there, a few spaces left for margins of error, for bits of the uncertain and present anomolies that defy the results. I am interested in human fallacy, ultimately, and its effects on the individual and group, the universe.

I am left to wonder, then – Do we have the power to impact the universe or does the universe hold the greatest authority (with whatever else controlling it) and impact us?

the relevance of fate, luck, and self-promotion

I believe people meet for a reason. My roommate from last year was a last minute decision. Neither of us had a roommate, but we met for lunch and grew close over a year of living together. The true sign that there was something more destined about our meeting was when I noticed a little ninja figurine the size of a nickel tucked inside the ribs of a dinosaur toy she had on her desk. I had this ninja since I was seven years old and my boyfriend lost him the previous summer after the school year ended. She had found my beloved toy and kept it, actually bringing it to our room. I don’t know if you see how amazing this is, but it was a memorable event in our year as roomies. I gave her a replacement ninja too (so that the dinosaur wouldn’t go hungry, of course). I mention her because we just talked to each other online after not corresponding for a several weeks, and we both acknowledged our sadness at not being able to share a dorm together next year. I will see her at school though, so it won’t be too bad. I wonder who my roommate’s going to be, because the school is assigning me a transfer since I received the RA position too late in the year to find a suitable housemate.

I’m trying to get on topic of today’s auspicious numerical date 07/07/07.

Many couples are getting married today because people feel that this date is special since it lines up not only in order, but gamblers especially view it as a lucky number (see: slot machines). I, however, refuse to give in to this extra-lucky day belief. This day holds relevance for me because it is exactly a month away from my 4-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I believe in a higher power, but I do not believe that everything is pre-destined before one even has a chance to assert oneself. I feel that our fate becomes whatever we choose to do – God offers us several paths, and it is up to us to choose our actions. Each action affects where our storyline leads next, but the power lies within ourselves. My roommate and I may have been suggested to each other as potential housemates, but we ultimately chose to try it out. Similarly, I don’t feel that getting married on a particular date holds any special force over whether a marriage is going to succeed or not. Relationships take more than astrological superstitions to remain intact. The problem today is that people run at the slightest sign of being unhappy instead of working out their differences, communicating, and respecting each other.

I’m not saying that my relationship is without its faults at times, but it’s a healthy one. We keep each other balanced. I prevent him from being financially stingy, while he prevents me from splurging. He keeps me grounded to home and family life, while I want to always go out and be with friends. We have some differences, but a lot of similarities, and the arguments we do have are always discussed after we have both cooled down. He and I do not blame each other. We do not yell or raise our voices. We do not disrespect each other verbally, physically, or emotionally. We speak up when we feel that one of us is on the verge of breaching that unsigned contract of respect, and we allow the upset person to take control of one’s emotions before we continue our discussion towards an amiable existence together.

This idea of self-promotion or actively having influence over how one leads one’s life is not new. It is found all over existentialism, but people tend to break this down into a religious argument. People tend to believe that religious people maintain that God controls everything. I may be wrong, but my take on Catholicism (since that’s my personal faith) is that God did create the universe, Earth, and mankind, but that free will means more than whether one recognizes Him or not. Individual actions that go against His commandments are called sins because the individual chose to behave in such a way. Atheists, philosophers, others, etc. tend not to like this idea of free will because then one could say, “Well, since God knows everything, being omniscient, wouldn’t that cancel out free will?”

Theological fatalism is easily negatable. I’m not one to apply attributes to God. In fact, Catholicism and indeed, all organized religion, leaves me unsettled at times, but I feel that God leaves a loophole for us to figure out what we want to do. We can always seek Him out for guidance, but where we end up is on our own heads. This could be a wholly Western perspective though, since so many are born into abject poverty and circumstances that seem unbearable and cruel to those more privileged. I feel that God gives strength to those who need it the most, and that human suffering is even a result of the choices we have made as a species and as a larger, social conscious. He gives us the means and resources to help others, but as a whole, we choose to be selfish, regardless if our basic instincts leads us to horde so deeply. We have already overcome many of our primal instincts. It is obvious that we have tried to separate ourselves from nature for our physical and emotional comfort (do you see any natural creature besides humans with air conditioning?!) and controlling our basest instincts is a result of self-awareness. We have the awareness to create culture, religion, languages, and for me to even have this moral discussion with myself. We choose to set up a dichotomy between the haves and have-nots.

So on today, I tell you to go out and be productive. Do not rely on the stars to help you get that job promotion, that date, or to even get up and experience the beauty of the world beyond your closed in cubicle. If you’ve been arguing with a spouse and you really want to make it work, make up – do not wait for him or her to give in. Do not be abusive to others. Let a child cross the street without you whizzing by first. Have patience. Get far away from your computer, for a few minutes at least, and live. Make the meaning of this supposedly special day be about turning the world for the better. Make someone else smile. Have a great one.

Merry Christmas

I haven’t written to you guys in awhile, but honestly, it’s been a hectic two weeks. Finals are over. I have off of work until Thursday, and I am relieved to have the time to write this all out.

It was nothing fancy. There was no snow. But a relative has survived cancer so far and made it through the holidays. I was able to hug her. I saw blood and related-by-marriage relatives that I haven’t seen in years. I saw remodeled homes. I made plans to sleep over a cousin’s house on Friday. And while people may bicker, despite it being a time for caring about one another, there is this inner-happiness and glow that’s growing inside of me. I can’t help but feel that it’s Christmas spirit, lingering and slowly spreading throughout me. I want it to embody me, possess me, and like Scrooge, promote a care toward others my whole life through, regardless if it’s the holiday season or not.

I went to childrens’ mass with my aunt and cousins. The children were the shepherds who visited baby Jesus in the manger. Children are innocent and honest. I want to be childlike in my devotion to humanity. I want to trust that everything will work out, even when things seem to be falling apart. I want to look at the world, where I stand in it, and feel secure.

New Year’s Eve is coming up. It’s time for me to reflect and write down a resolution. I’ll share it with you when I’m done.

To get confirmed or not

I have always been Catholic. I was born this way. I was baptized. I confessed my sins (an extremely, disgustingly long time ago). I received my first holy communion and even read at the ceremony in front of the congregation. Looking back on it, those were the good days.

And then what? My faith was shot to Hell. It’s a very cliché way of putting it, but it fits in so nicely. Shot. to. Hell. So yeah, there I was with no faith in God, actually despising Him, and all by the age of 9. Perhaps younger. Then somehow my faith was renewed, although I still refused to go to mass. Then it dropped again. Then it rose. Then it dropped and nearly suffocated itself, and then something horrible happened and miraculous and it rose back up to the highest it has ever been.

Except for one thing.

Confirmation. Never made it. Never wanted to. Never saw the advantages or disadvantages- just never considered it. Now I’m considering it, but I don’t know if it’s for the right reasons. To be honest, the main reason is because my boyfriend wants to. I don’t know if I would. I’m not overly religious. I view faith as a private matter and something that shouldn’t be overtly held in public, in an organized religion, regardless of the Scriptures- it’s just not what I believe in. It’s hard to explain how I got to that conclusion, but regardless, I am uncomfortable with the idea. However, I understand the importance of proclaiming your ultimate faith and belief in Him. I just don’t know if I want to be bound to a certain religion…if I want my kids to be…etc.

We almost went to talk to our priest on-campus, but I nearly had a fit and felt like crying. Again, I can’t explain why. I have misgivings, but they’re unjustified. The only justification I have is because I feel this way and I don’t know how to make it better.