Category Archives: Sleep

Indoor Camping

Posted on August 1, 2011 | Leave a comment

Belt out an honest song;

it doesn’t need words.

You only need to

put your heart in it.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Good Days, Sleep

Tagged chirping, cricket, nature, night, pseudo camping, sleep, song

A list of things I wanted to do tonight, before I fell asleep

Posted on April 9, 2011 | Leave a comment

Hello, weary readers and fellow bloggers,

I woke up a few minutes ago from a non-nap. I call it a non-nap since the hours slept total nearly the amount usually gained throughout an average night – four or five.

Sleep-deprivation is so normalized in many peoples’ routines that it’s not considered an epidemic, but it’s definitely something my body tries to make up for on the weekends. Here are all the things I wanted to accomplish before I crashed earlier this evening:

Finish reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Society thrives on strangers being overly-polite with one another and conditions a person to lose focus of basic signals that help ensure our survival. This book reinvigorates a person’s natural instinct and teaches one not to underestimate intuitive feelings of danger – we are still animals and a civilized world is still a jungle. It does not reaffirm paranoia, but actually builds confidence because a person can interact more fully when they become more aware.
Eat dinner. Ugh! I’m all for the occasional fasting, but when it’s not intended and I actually looked forward to dinner, eating a hard boiled egg and drinking a glass of juice won’t stave my stomach’s grumblings of protest. I promised it baked ziti tonight. Didn’t happen, but I’m still grateful and fortunate enough to realize that it wasn’t skipped due to not having available food, like so many others.
Clean to continue an ongoing battle against the casual mess that builds and covers my living space throughout a busy work week. Don’t look so smug, dirty dishes and misplaced knickknacks all over the place! Your time will come!
Exercise. I never gained the Freshman-15, but I sure earned it following graduation. Now that I’ve been out for several years, it’s time I recommit to an exercise regimen.
Relax and listen to music.
Relax and listen to nothing, thereby listening to everything and learning more about myself.
Call family and friends, and ask them how their week went.

Positive things I’ve done in the past hour to make up for “lost time”:

Watched a few wildlife specials that I didn’t even know were going to be on tv tonight.
Ate some delicious peanuts.
Blogged.
Got unexpectedly told that I’m loved.
A few more hours of unanticipated, but appreciated rest! Thanks, body!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Good Days, Sleep

Tagged Gavin Becker, Gift of Fear, to-do list

thirteen

Posted on August 21, 2009 | Leave a comment

We haven’t conversed in awhile. This is becoming a repetitive starting point. The guilt hasn’t faded, but has increased as expected. There – it only took four tries to type ‘expected’ right. This Vicodin cough syrup is beginning to take hold.

A lot has happened. I was simultaneously rejected from one opportunity and accepted for another. It’s why my fingers have been so idle, silent. There was a quick news bulletin recently that had a local map on it. The map focused on the most difficult areas to find employment in the vicinity. The city temporarily holding me in place is listed as hosting the great number of unemployed, displaced workers in the region, while my hometown’s county is the second. Times certainly are rough.

I feel so gloriously blessed to be employed.

There have been a few hits of momentum lately. Holding a supervisory position at my young age is a bit daunting, but each daily challenge conquered only serves to increase my sense of competency and ability. Willing oneself to take necessary risks is one thing, but to feel secure in myself is another.

A dear friend of mine is single for the first time in years. Similar to my self-doubts, she is having some of her own. The bottom line is that one diminishes or decreases his or her possibilities by having a lower sense of self-efficacy and boundary lines. In order to be successful or at least comfortable, one needs to develop a can-do attitude.

Conclusion to follow….ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZzZZZZZZ

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Sleep, The Meaning of it All

Tagged recent grad

the truth

Posted on October 25, 2007 | Leave a comment

i didn’t get my paper done. I have two pages out of 10. i say ten because the minimum is 7 and 10 seems to be the standard protocol for philosophy majors. i was reading over my old posts (it’s a shame that i didn’t save the ones from when i was really young at other servers or hosted by people with their own domains and actually used raw html instead of this pre-made layout stuff) when i realized how immature my understanding of the world was even a few months ago until now.

i sound so serious on here. a professor said that to me recently. he tapped me on the elbow and said, “You’re a very serious person. A very serious student.” I didn’t know whether that was good or bad. maybe it can’t be stripped down like that. there are times where i’m profoundly silly, but my written voice has always been intellectual.

i never talk about being a psychology major, but that is my true passion. the social sciences fascinate me to no end. someone recently asked me what my interests were. he jokingly said, “y’know, in terms of facebook jargon” and it got me thinking that that’s all people have become to each other. a list of qualities that can be pinpointed down into a profile. rumors are swirling. vehemently. i stayed up talking to someone last night until 3 am instead of writing my paper. i loosened up a lot this year socially, but the negative side is that i stay up until 2 am for work-related responsibilities…i still need to get this paper done.

maybe i’m so serious because i usually only write during the school year and the things i think about are academia-related. i’ll spare you talk of nodes of ranvier and myelin sheaths. of serotonin and dendrites. of confusion and hope. and looking forward to things in your day, but not wanting to own up to it because the uncertainties are too many and it’s easier to pretend that it doesn’t exist for right now just so you can get through your day without feeling like you’re living in a television set without reception. y’know, as though the static is swarming all around you, within you. that’s how i feel right now. it could be sleep-deprivation.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Good Days, on Academics, Sleep, The Meaning of it All

Tagged college life, finding a balance, sleep deprivation, social life, static

this wasn’t

Posted on October 12, 2007 | Leave a comment

supposed to be a post about this incoherent, 3:00 am babble…I was going to write a post about different grandparenting styles and culture since we discussed it in a class the other day. It really interested me. Still does. Just not enough to put thought behind it because I’m tired tired tired and I do this to myself. Wake up too early for class. Go to bed too late for no reason. Held up a drunk girl who rested her head on a toilet seat like it was a down pillow. memory foam. something. had her puke up all the water and bad stuff she drank. luckily (or unluckily) she hadn’t eaten anything, so it was just clear h20 in and back out. I have so many questions right now floating through my head, but the only sure thing I know is that I don’t have the right amount of energy to fuel those thoughts into intelligent words that can be grammatically structured in an understandable or proper way.

Sometimes I just like to get into the minds of people to figure out what they’re thinking…and I’ve always wondered what the motives, if any, were behind their actions.

Sometimes I wonder what people really think about me. I read it somewhere that at any given moment in the world there is someone who cares about you. Somewhere. More than one person maybe, someone who overtly states it and the other who represses it, admires from afar, cares platonically, whatever the case may be. I wish sometimes that all of these hidden intricacies, these secrets that we keep tucked away close to our hearts, hidden underneath our rib cages, were laid bare, readily accessible, and that the bearer of those burdens were relieved of any anxiety at simply being honest with him or herself, those who became aware of the secret, and even the subject of the secret.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Good Days, Sleep, The Meaning of it All

Tagged consciousness, energy sap, inebriation, thoughts

it is not through

Posted on May 14, 2007 | 1 Comment

a complete lack of motivation that i write this at this indecent hour (3:18 am), but frustration. I have been awake for far too long, the evidence being that my head is beginning to hurt. I consider that to be a rather vital piece of evidence that I should take care of myself and sleep. The paper is not going to be finished tonight.

Kierkegaard and Camus can be such dreary existentialists to write about. Here are two philosophers, one who attempted to transcend the mundane activities of a mortal world into the promises of eternal heaven with a warped view of Christianity, and another who merely comments on the absurdity of living. Camus comments that life is not about trying to understand existence, but to accept it. He says that the big question is not about the meaning behind living, but to ask oneself whether life is really worth living or not. It’s rather dreary and dreadful. One considers himself to look like a kangaroo. The other goes on for ages about suicide and somehow interprets the myth of Sisyphus into a happy event. The birds are chirping. Existentialists are whiny enough. I’m not about to complain any longer.

I think it’s time to sleep on it tonight. Maybe I’ll talk about French politics next time, but I promise…it won’t be an essay by any stretch of the imagination. I have to read up on French government first, and that may take awhile, though most of my packing is already accounted for. If someone wants to write my Aristotle essay on psychological temperance and the “death by broken heart” phenomena as a result of emotional excesses (i.e. loneliness, grief etc.) then be my guest.

Mental note to self: Blog a reflective post about this past year.

On Mother’s Day: Happy belated Mother’s Day to any moms who may be reading this blog. I regret that I was unable to see my mother for this annual occasion, but she was able to visit this past Saturday. My family and I had a decent time (minus the minor counts of bickering). We ate lunch at a local diner, played table tennis, and they helped move some of my packed belongings back home. The walls look bare, but clean. With every end, a fresh start awaits. I wonder what will be in store for me this summer. My boss has to call back first to reassure me that I still have my waitressing summer job (the tips there are excellent on busy days for such a small place).

P.S. I was interviewed for several RA positions that have recently become available. This was several weeks ago. I’ll let you know if anything exciting happens. I have also begun messing around with Windows Movie Maker 2, although it has also become an annoyance to contend with. I am thinking about purchasing a Mac after the new operating system comes out, but my funds are low and as my responsible boyfriend keeps reminding me, I will have a heap of loans to pay off in another two years (I am currently about $25,000 in debt without interest) along with procuring a car (my sister totaled our shared one), but that is the price one pays for an undergraduate degree these days (I guess). I would not trade my experiences at this college though. It was a wise choice to matriculate here.

My friends and I are also planning an independent Free Hugs adventure sometime in the upcoming year. Maybe I’ll get the hang of video editing by then to post it up here for you lovely people to see. Good night!