Category Archives: The Meaning of it All

Consistency

Consistency is wonderful in many arenas. Society expects people and collective groups to go about daily tasks in a predictable way. Here are a few examples:

1) In personality and action. A person may undergo a psychological evaluation if they are not consistent in behavior. This can occur if someone changes noticeably, acting erratic, possibly destructively from their “usual” selves or deviates from accepted and expected social norms in a given environment.

2) In the workplace. Employers like reliable employees, people who will stick to a schedule, contribute to a steady workplace arrangement, and not muss up too many hairdos.

3) In parenting. Most children learn from, subconsciously crave, and need consistency. Research on attachment styles and self-help books by the armful discuss this in great detail. I only have these to go by, because I am really relying on my therapeutic approach…I don’t know what it’s like to have a very wide awake toddler bouncing all over the house at 5 am. On a Saturday.

4) Personal banking (credit/debit/savings). I’m certified in Personal Finance Management and plan to write more about this topic as I continue to apply money-saving tactics to my life. Impulse spenders may find this particular task difficult or those with more expenses than available income can find themselves under the burden of debt and financial hardship. Yet, personal bank accounts thrive under an habitual flow of deposited funds versus withdrawals, within reason. This is why the first credit card statement after the winter holiday season is one many dread the most.

However, consistency does not work well all the time. You can certainly bowl over all the examples above with but what if scenarios until I close up shop and take a vow of silence in some remote mountainside monastery.

Consistency, while a positive trait, can lead to stagnation. In the blogging industry, regular posting is fantastic (and something I’m also working to improve on this site), but trending topics change and freelancers need to always work toward enhancement and jumping on new opportunities. One cannot move ahead and plan the next best thing if they are not willing to take risks, learn, and implement something off the well-worn path now and then.

“Consistency is key”, but don’t forget to leave room for growth.

Bullied, but not Victim

A kid gets known as
the class act for
falling
down
with perfection,
gets called clumsy
and classmates sear
that adjective on his soul
like an unforgivable sin.

He does not see
the others with
scarred knees like him.
Understand,
his kind are too
busy staring
at
the
ground,
hoping not to stumble,
too afraid to fail
to notice or worse,
be seen.

Time seems slow,
but passes as it
never forgets to do
and the boy grows
tall in character.
Repeated words
promise less pain
and he begins to
feel a shift in
the balance.

He stops paying
attention to the
sidewalk and stares
ahead for a change.
He’s stunned.

The same knuckleheads
try to crack the same jokes,
but loop around
their rotten smiles
and jovial rib jabs
in tight circles.
It’s dizzying and
he wants none of it,
none of them.
He owns his words,
even if they are
loose with theirs,
and walks on.

This boy reaches where
broken concrete ends
by muscle memory.
He does not look
as the grass softens
beneath each step -
he feels the difference,
a lessened rebound,
somehow lighter.

He does not turn back.

The Appraisal

This poem begins my contributions to NaBloPoMo in April 2012, along with the A-Z Challenge. A is for Appraisal.

Sometimes, I wonder what you think
when your eyes pass over me.

Am I boring you?
Is there a stain on my shirt,
some stubborn wrinkle?

Do I look, sound, or act too
ridiculous, or perhaps
too sure?

Impossible insecurities
leak out my brain,
run down my ears and
coat my throat to form

biting words,

but I choke them into

silence.

I will not trip up
or dress down
to sway your
opinion.

Appraise away!

I remain intact
because I know my worth,
with all strengths and faults,
biases and boundaries.

I know and love.

I know and love me.

Return from Sin City (Las Vegas, NV)

Sweet CrepeBellagio, Las VegasBellagio, Las VegasBellagio, Las VegasBellagio, Las VegasBellagio, Las Vegas
Bellagio, Las VegasBellagioBellagioBellagio FountainsBellagio FountainsPan con Tomate
Wonder of the SeaCirclesRocky MountainsRocky MountainsAerial Shot
Burbank, CALas Vegas BlvdThe LuxorNY, NY Casino & Hoteldalmation fish?

Sin City, a set on Flickr.

I recently traveled to Las Vegas, and it was an experience I will never forget.

Everything is extravagant and large there- each tourist attraction and hotel aims to outshine its neighbor. Loose morals, bright lights, and smoke-filled interiors are lined by transplanted palm trees, outdoor escalators, and velvet-rope taxi waiting stands. People do not cross the Las Vegas Strip, but use overpasses to avoid getting hit.

It is a hedonistic, manufactured oasis in the middle of the Nevadan desert, a decadent, almost surreal capitalistic empire with $1 jello shots and $8 bottles of Fiji water. I despised and loved it at the same time.

My lungs will recover in time if I never visit again. However, the aerial views were incredible to and from, and the dry, sunny 80‌°F weather reminded me that humans evolved in desert conditions and can easily adapt again when given the chance. I reveled in returning home, but my skin, partial to the cold before, somewhat misses the promised warmth I grew accustomed to last week.

Here are some photos from my trip. Enjoy, and thanks for sticking by me these past few silent days.

This post overlaps with this week’s BlogHop at The Writers’ Post. Topic: Adventure.

Orchids and Honesty: Found in New York City

New York City is known as (dare I say it?) the cultural epicenter, a destination spot for those seeking excitement, a ‘big break’, and its glittering lights. I never liked the rough, crowded lifestyle as a teenager, but college transformed me into a defected suburbanite who bit into The Big Apple’s allure and has not looked back (much).

This wonderful, grimy, fast-paced place offers so much by way of entertainment, diversity, opportunity, and numerous parks (with free Wi-Fi, by the way), but ‘tropical oasis’ isn’t a descriptor the average tourist or New Yorker would use. However, the New York Botanical Garden‘s current effort in Patrick Blanc’s Orchid Show exhibition will convince you otherwise:

Continue reading

Cat Nap

Exposed

Hidden

Goodbye, Blogger

Image

Blogger, I’m sorry, but we can’t be friends.

I’m refocusing my Internet-based activities in a more direct, content-rich way. Chi Speak is all over the social media scene right now, dangling a bit in Digg‘s vastness with pinches of Pinterest and this set-up won’t work for the long-term. If you don’t believe me, ask my inbox; it gets clogged with password reset reminders all the time. My multiple e-mail accounts get tangled and I really hate signing in and out through another user any time I feel like dropping in for a quick chat.

We’re drifting apart, Blogger. I appreciate your streamlined sensibilities, but that last upgrade you pulled really threw me off. I don’t know you anymore; we don’t talk to each other for weeks, sometimes months at a time now. You dyed yourself orange and got really pale too, like you decided to hide away from the sun all winter. I’m all for design overhauls, but I used to read you easily. It’s not your fault that I spend the majority of my day staring at a computer screen and have weakened vision, but I am loath to mess with my Chrome browser view settings (shortcuts included) all the time in order to talk to you.

You also exclude yourself from our other friends, or your potential friends, rather. Twitter, Tumblr, Flickr, Facebook, Formspring, etc. know how to share and syndicate content across platforms, but your aloofness gets tiresome. Don’t try to bring Google+ into this, please. I like Google+ well enough, but you even hesitate to share there as well, which does not make sense since I’m with you through Chrome all the time. Aren’t you three inextricably linked? My computer software is up-to-date and I clear out the cache regularly.

AdSense has nothing to do with this either, Blogger. True, I never made a dime from advertising with you, but remember, I never was after your money. Our friendship was genuine and to hear you suggest otherwise stings in an insulting, deep way. I am not a gold digger and you know it.

Truly, the final straw was Picasa; you two are together all the time (which is fine, I want you to have friends other than me), but I upload files to write about later and you know what you do? You share it with Picasa. I could not even figure out how to delete an uploaded Google+ profile picture from Picasa easily without consulting Quora. Communicating between the three of us should be easy, but it’s not. Why so secretive? It’s creepy for you to hang on to mementos like that, Blogger.

You deserve a more attentive blogger, someone who will utilize those gadgets with passion and purpose. Someone who will forgive your quirks. I can’t give you that anymore. Things between me and WordPress are getting serious, and I really need to let go before you get the wrong idea.

Don’t worry, the old posts will get transferred out soon, Blogger. I’ll see you around.

the wonder of children, pt III

Two years ago, I wrote about a little boy who made my mornings bright. His family’s early routine changed somewhere along the way because we did not see one another after a few more months.

Last week I saw a vaguely familiar woman, this time without a stroller. She held the hand of the little boy, older and still smiling. He wore glasses in the same style as when young, but these frames were a little bigger.  In the style of so many young urbanites this winter, he also had a warm hat knit in an animal pattern, a cartoonish bear.

He walked well beside her, not running ahead or attempting to tug his hand from hers. His family taught him wonderful manners. The best part? He tilted his head as they passed me and cheered merrily, “Good morning!”

It was a nice start to the day.

Also read the earlier posts about how children are precious and wonderful here: Pt I, Pt II (as linked above).

Germy Love

Give me sallow skin
and shallow breaths.
Give me clammy hands
and a fevered head.

Let me take on
his ills and aches,
while we rest
in shifts.

We heal faster
than single blankets
and emptied tea mugs
ever fix alone.

Hydrating and Upbeat

Today, I walked two miles or so to the doctor’s office while dizzy, fevered, and congested.

I'm in there, somewhere

My boyfriend is also sick and lost his voice. We are hiding in separate rooms to ride out our mutual viral infections. A positive aspect is that I can listen to music and  submit lyrics online without upsetting his musical tastes or mine (I have no idea how that song even made its way onto my iTunes. I blame Amazon’s free MP3 downloads).

I drank almost a gallon of water and still feel parched, but realize it could be worse. What if I didn’t have any clean water available to drink? Best of all, it was cold and refreshing. I know this discomfort is temporary though I may feel out of sorts, light-headed, and unable to keep food down now. I am fortunate in being able to consult and receive professional medical care when needed too, and on a proactive, preventative basis if desired.

There is no room for misery in my little isolation room tonight. Time to sleep and rest up.