in other words...
You have not been given this gift of consciousness to simply live as a mechanical drone. Stop for a moment. You have been planning for the future, and living in the past. Stand for a few seconds in the present. There are higher truths and values we may not be able to fully grasp. Opinions differ, but these differences do not suggest that existence is meaningless. There are miracles inherent in us all, and these miracles may surpass the number of stars. Conjecture is always mixed with science. A reasonable person would leave space for doubt. When was the last time you stopped to consider your miracles, or to count those connecting you to everyone else?I hope this blog will help you in our shared journey. The details of our lives may differ, but our basic hopes, emotions, fears, and instincts remain the same.
Windows 7 will have to wait (it’s not installed on this poor 32-bit system yet). Additionally, the despicable Apple advertisements have been disgusting lately. I’m not buying into the Microsoft-bashing model that Mac lovers seem to adore. I haven’t had the chance to run a clean install, but all of this will change as soon as I back-up my precious files on a homemade external harddrive within the next few weeks. THEN, my dear readers, you will get an adequate Windows 7 review.
With a writing hiatus comes many changes. One of the most notable changes includes the notorious beta release of AIM 7.0. This will most likely not be a very thorough review. The noticeable differences relate to aesthetic preferences moreso than actual functionality:
- A larger Twitteresque phrase bubble replaces the single line previously offered for status updates, and in lieu of current thoughts, users can elect to make this their current away message instead.
-Color themes have been added and relegated to the top of AIM’s main program bar (if that’s what it’s even called – hey, this review is from the perspective of an average user. I can omit unfamiliar jargon).
-Buddy icons are huge. Really. They used to be small, convenient and nearly out-of-sight 50×50 pixel images. Now, they’re glaring and on the left side of the IM message box.I had to replace the icon of my face because I became overly aware of it while typing to friends and co-workers alike. Very distracting while working in a place that is driven by AIM to communicate.
-Tabbed IMs. The tab is on top of a single IM box. A green exclamation indicates that a new message was received. Small Skype-like icons are featured beneath the icons. There is no ‘enter’ or ’submit’ button, but a texting feature on the left to where one types a message. The emoticon and font customizing features appear less as a horizontally placed word processing feature and have slid to the right of the messaging area, also displayed as more streamline icons.
-There is a small white envelope next to the screenname label, but I have never used AIM to check my e-mail. This blogger is not about to start either, just for the sake of this post. Do you use AIM as your primary e-mail client? Didn’t think so.
Lifestream is an interesting concept that was offered in a pre-release beta version. I felt lukewarm about it then, and its temperature has maintained its tepid quality since. Its features cater to the social networking fiend and allows users to connect a limited number of common accounts (like Digg, Twitter, Delicious, Flickr, and Facebook) to their screenname; in doing so, users also sync in to their contacts’ updates on those websites. Similar to Facebook notifications, a little red square with a number highlighting any updates flags users to a separate tab from the buddy list. The “Me” tab serves only to frustrate and fan a self-interested ego. For instance, it lists the number of buddy lists you are added to, but will not reveal those screenname identities for your perusal. There is a subsection called ‘My Notifications’, but I haven’t seen one. I think I turned that feature off to avoid being annoyed by shaky Internet connections and auto-reconnecting AIM clients.
Overall, I can understand AOL’s view. They were the kings of the Internet, dominating the dial-up minions, but perhaps fading away as faster options have become the status quo. AIM is their last free connection to the public and they had to advance their product to keep our ever-dwindling attention span focused on them. We have so many options these days – Skype, Facebook chat, TokBox, Motion Box, etc. They are competing against some staunch competition and want to be associated with popular websites that draw millions, perhaps billions, of worldwide users monthly. However, their eagerness to expand their audience has only restricted their peripheral vision, in a sense…
Well, in two beloved aspects:
1) Plugins. Where did they go? How do I get them back? Some people would argue that the plugins really served a small population of AIM users. I would agree. There weren’t that many (nowhere near the amount of add-ons and widgets made for Firefox, at any rate) and the ones that were available weren’t that great. Plus, the commonly used social networking sites available with Lifestream adequately replaces it without the irritation of initial sign-in pop-ups. Yet, I liked being able to spy on the songs my friends were listening to – many conversations and recommendations stemmed from that relatively small plugin. I hope they add Last.fm or Pandora to Lifestream soon. Either choice would be an incredible addition.
2) Privacy settings. Yes, I want to block spambots. Yes, I want to block a few creeps from my youth who won’t leave me alone (even after not having any contact after all of these years). Yes, I want to limit my visibility to those who I have on my buddy list (just to be safe!) and to keep my screenname private from the wider Internet public (I have a public one that I will gladly converse with you on). But, what would really help me sort through all of those layers of restricted individuals would be privacy lists, similar to Facebook. Let me create privacy settings, or set the invisibility feature to only selected groups of people on my buddy list while I’m online. For instance, I horrendously made the mistake of using my personal screenname as my work ID. I would prefer to “hide” my online presence if I choose to remain online after leaving my place of employment.
Aside from these two exclusions, I like the new AIM a lot, enough to recommend to others. It’s sleek. It runs smoothly. The ability to have tabbed IMs without having to use an outside client is nice. There is less clutter and less error messages. The layout of AIM 7.0 overall is adaptable and intuitive. I will not be uninstalling it any time soon.
It was a long, continuous day – one task after another. The phone rung consistently. Callbacks were administered. There was a large, sturdy shipping box with my name on it. It contained a ‘thank you’ basket with beauty care products from a client that I assisted several weeks ago. It was completely unexpected; an enormous mood booster, but there also were tears forming in my eyes when the woman called later in the afternoon. She said sincerely, “It is so rare that people actually listen to another human being. Thank you for your help, and for your humanity.”
I had dinner with a few friends tonight. We ate and talked. Went to class. The professor lectured. Peers contributed. Held a phone conversation with my sister. Looked forward to going home.
Home. Washed dishes. Laughed a little. Browsed the Internet a lot. Made him tea for his throat. Snuggled up a bit, and felt chatty. He wanted to read. I stated that I would leave the room for the night because my talking was interfering with his book. He didn’t disagree. He only argued it a bit once he saw the hurt double over on me – we had said we missed each other all day moments beforehand. Now, I’m here with a mushy pile of dramatic emotion wrestling somewhere in my chest, and relentless thoughts recur that there is more than one type of wall between him and me tonight.
How do you do?
Swine flu madness surrounds me – it’s ridiculous. Hand sanitizers have magically turned up in the strangest places. Dutiful employees enter building lobbies, open up the antibacterial devices to check for fullness, make obscure marks on their brilliantly white clipboards, and turn around, disappearing in the crowds outside. So, we’re a society building an army of highly resistant bacteria. Let’s kill off the weakest ones, the good guys even, and leave only the biggest and baddest. It’s simple Darwinism. Let’s cause a panic and entitle this H1N1 strain as a pandemic. Let’s set up quarantines and close down schools, public offices…well, you get the picture…isn’t this craze just a tad overboard? Overplayed? Overstated?
The media hype makes it particularly understandable, not remotely strange, that a client flinched as she told me her identifying pin number, only to have me sneeze. She even jumped back a little (hey now – I covered my face!) and warily eyed me as I massaged a liberal amount of Purell into my skin. Her worry lines did not cease afterward, when I handed her a form to fill out. That was perhaps the fourth sign. The first sign would be when one of my employees called out ill for a few days. Then, a co-worker started coughing. A second one came to work sick, and abruptly stayed home the following day. My boyfriend’s younger sister complained of pains, fever, and chills – returning to her hometown rather than infect her dormitory building.
The fifth sign was when Boyfriend himself began to cough and break out into cold sweats. He began to drink tea. And abashedly burp in my presence – something he does not do, and does not promote in the company of others, strangers and loved ones alike. He says his whole body hurts and feels sore. He was grumpy all day, allowing little irritations to pile up into a festering groan of sickness and annoyance at setting foot out into the world beyond his bedside.
On Saturday, I was putting on a sweatshirt when all of a sudden my right hand, wrist, arm, shoulder blade started aching. I stretched it out. The feeling returned a few hours later. My throat began to tickle and burn. This morning, my body hurt. My eyes watered. I was equally sluggish to Boyfriend – our bodies moving around like unwilling slugs in a mild drought, seeking relief from a freaking puddle, somewhere, anywhere, before some kid decided to test out what their big sibling told them about mixing slugs and table salt.
Today continued along that route – Who made the sun so bright? Someone pull down the shades. It’s so hot in here. No, it’s so cold. Don’t sit by me – I’m sick. Well, who cares? I’m getting there, too. Even washing dishes hurts. Even drying them is torture. Having hands at a time like this is just inconvenient – fingers wiggle out of habit, out of normal use, and pain receptors flare up. Having arthritis must suck.
No fever. Just chills. No vomiting. Just aches. Not really coughing. Eyes tearing like mad. Going to ward this thing off with the following:
honey roasted peanuts. cranberry supplement. multivitamin for women. calcium supplement. acetaminophen.
Not swine flu. Just The Flu, saying hello like a nosy guy friend crushing on my sister and me pushing him out of the door, with equal charm and promises to meet up the next time I’m in town. Away from her.
He supports American students. Click here to read the full transcript. If you have school age children, consider having them listen to President Obama’s speech. I highly recommend it. He also refers to teachers and parents, and shows students how their involvement is necessary in ensuring future successes.
This speech is extraordinary – developmentally appropriate, modern, and easy for students in difficult situations to relate to, and appreciate. Parents had the right to waive their child from listening in at school, but I found the outrage by many wary critics to be appalling. Those parents, Republican, Democratic, Independent, or unaffiliated, merely denied their children the right to access current news, hear further encouragement, and gain inspirational insight.
Lylah Alphonse from Boston.com shares my sentiments. She wrote, “Since when is telling kids to study hard and stay in school a Socialist concept?” Similarly, The Dallas Morning News received all sorts of letters to the editor in response.
It’s what many kids need to hear – students need to feel heard and listened to, to know their talents and interests are worthwhile, and that they should never fail to believe in themselves. So many Americans are anti-government or wary of political agendas to the point where they forget the positive things our country provides us. We beat our Bill of Rights into oblivion in the search for said Rights. Students, especially those in public schools, should feel like they are responsible and included in the educational process. They are vital pieces to the ultimate puzzle.
I grew up in a public school system where students easily slipped off educational pathways and into illicit venues. There were too many students for our administration to keep track of everyone. They saluted the motivated, pushed along those on the border, and placated everyone else. I learned a lot from that educational background. I worked hard out of a personal invested interest in learning, even during the times when I was not exactly supported in my academic endeavors by those around me. I went to college despite some obstacles, including a life-threatening health condition that could have easily held me back in summer school. I did not realize how many of my peers, people who I knew on a first name basis and hung around with socially, simply stopped caring and did not continue after high school. Some did not even graduate, or were moved to “better school systems” by their families. Those kids, people I considered friends, could have used such a speech. The education some gave up on and others yearned for were all achievable at the high school we originally attended – some of us simply had a version of President Obama’s speech constantly in front of us, or already closely held in our hearts.
Found this old draft hidden among all of the already published posts.
All that had been typed was the title.
August was busy. End of September review? Also busy, but it seems that more blog posts means there was an adjustment involved. Post-graduate life has been kicked into full gear. Maybe I’m getting used to it and the additional responsibilities and joys that come from “growing up older”.
There was an old college peer standing outside of the local grocery store today. He was handing out pamphlets for an upcoming state election. I knew his name because he was always snarky in class, full of sarcasm and opposing views for the sake of argumentation. One student in particular, a man of greater inclination toward settling disputes with physical means, always growled back and threw heavy philosophical texts in his direction (this second action occurring on at least two occasions). My role in that interaction was one of maternal mediator. A few sharp and direct orders always seemed to set them in line.
It did not bother me much that he forgot my name – his sales pitch was a tad exasperating though. I will not, under any forsaken circumstances, save employment and perhaps threat of being rubbed with freshly cut poison ivy leaves, give up Sunday evenings to call hardworking, resting people during their dinner hours for a few extra dollars. He seemed put out that I am not officially affiliated with a specific political party. Call me an indecisive fence-sitter. I prefer the terms ‘well-informed’ and ‘moderate’. The democratic process should not be undertaken like one may align themselves with a favorite sports team for the sheer locality or familiarity of it. It should be a thought out process, carried much in the way that Plato/Socrates had intended in The Republic, by those in the know and who are impartial to immediate biases.
I have an assignment due that requires me to interview two counseling professionals. However, these professionals work during the time period that I do, and being a new employee, I have no personal or sick days. My compensatory time is also allotted for the Spring semester.
It’s a conundrum. I could theoretically walk into the field earlier and head off to work on time, but no professional in their right mind would ever oblige to meet me at 7 am, when they are either not expected for a couple more hours, or are arriving and getting settled into their daily tasks.
A conundrum is worth thinking about and moping around for awhile, but it needs action to solve. Strict deadlines must be adhered to – my research still needs to be solidified, conducted, and analyzed as well. I am interviewing someone who is willing to meet me today. I hope to hedge out what his greatest material needs as a professional are, and purchase something for him in gratitude. I will not feel comfortable until I have the second interview guaranteed and an appointment arranged; perhaps I am an organizational freak.
Sleeping does not even provide me with any relief. I think about work, school, or fall asleep so late these days that I do not manage deep REM levels to hold any memorable dreams. Something has to change. I have to adapt. There is no option allowing for failure. Well, there is, and it would not necessarily be failure, but I am too determined and I have worked too hard to give up now. Perseverance requires resiliency. As long as I stay self-aware and on task, things will be fine. Academia does not bother me. Time constraints do.
An abandoned blog is a sad blog indeed. If this blog were my cat it would be dead from neglect or really pissed.
To be blunt, I have barely had time to sleep, so the few hours available are usually filled with my body inert and brain disconnected from the world. Ye olde alarm clock of doom and torment screams off a little after daybreak, whereupon my clumsy fingers grab at some unfortunate pan and that evening’s dinner gets thrown together. The gas even dislikes being disturbed that early in the morning. Coffee laughs at me and says, “Just cook your meal, woman, and get back to bed. You have twenty minutes to spare if you hurry up on those potatoes.”
Well, work tends to occupy the space after the cranky food is shoved into the refrigerator. I am a relatively new hire and often exceed my hours in an attempt to manage Courses Yet to be Taken in future semesters. Afterward, Courses Currently Taking passes by with relative ease and boulders of homework to follow. I trudge home. Wash the dishes. Prepare lunch for the next day. Iron clothes. And set down to work sometime around eleven or twelve.
Exhausted. However, even the busiest of stinging insects requires a break every now and then. I’ve been on the hunt for some decorative prey – a clock, really. There hasn’t been one that has met my standards within the past two months. What should a person do when their native land of consumerism isn’t providing quality goods? By golly, make it herself!
It was really quite easy – a simple clock mechanism purchased from a local crafts store, some krazy glue, and an unused Pearl cymbal completes this ensemble. It really thrills me, and I will gladly revel in my drummer glory as it reflects the morning sun. Hopefully, cymbal rays beaming down will be a more pleasant way to wake up than the insults of its cellular phone counterpart.
P.S. Thanks for not giving up on this site yet.
“Now that you have learned about the great responsibility and faithfulness embedded in the creation of marriage, are you ready to proceed with your vows?”
It seems that the commonplace of separation and divorce among the married have changed how the actual wedding ceremonies are carried out. I have been to two weddings recently, and they differ sharply from those I attended several years ago.
First, neither was held in a church or building with any religious affiliation.
Secondly, the priest, interfaith clergy, or designated minister had heightened the sense of importance and commitment that one agrees to when tying the knot. They seem to take an invested interest in counseling the couple prior to and during the ceremony to reassure their conscience that all preventative measures were taken to help support the couple’s future success.
This last wedding was no exception, as the marital vows were said by two people who met under circumstances that were understood by all, but unmentioned out loud. One was married at the time. They pursued the relationship. A divorce ensued. However, the one’s spouse had engaged in infidelity as well, and married their lover soon after the divorce decree was finalized. There were certainly underlying causes that attributed to both cheating, but I had attended the first wedding a few years earlier. I witnessed the first spouse cry out of joy, much in the same manner as the person standing before us did. The tender reactions were the same. The sentiment and sincerity radiating from the two were not unlike the first. Love was there for both, but the challenges, difficulties, and temptations proved too much. We prayed for that couple. We prayed for the one forged out of the dissolution of the old. We wished them the best. In both cases, it was all we could do, but the minister’s tone ended on a positive note, in one of forgiveness and happiness. We applauded them. We celebrated.
The minister reviewed the idea of passionate love, of love that overtakes one’s sensibilities, but needs to be controlled within the present covenant they were binding themselves to – that marriage necessitates and justifies the sacrifice of desires and wants in favor of what would reasonably benefit the other, the beloved.
The downfall of marriage has caused many to view the act as being nothing more than a minor traditional ceremony that can be canceled at whim, while others proclaim their joining as being all the more special and serious, given the social circumstances and underlying lasting expectations for their relationship. It has become more acceptable and common for couples to live together before engagement, before setting a wedding date or choosing a photographer. I always learned that the statistics associated with such couples is not favorable. However, confounding variables play a large role that is often overlooked by mass media reports. The intentions of the couple prior to living together (those who most likely do not wish to get married anyway), and the lack of change experienced after moving in together (often more closely bonding newlyweds who did not cohabit prior to marriage) are better indicators of future divorce or separation rather than the mere fact of living together before being wed alone.
I am not afraid of these uncertainties. Every relationship takes hard work to maintain and improve. Being familiar with statistics and research methods, I am able to scrutinize the scare tactics and figures. One cannot judge how loving individuals meet – their lives are not mine to examine, but I can certainly support the hopes for my significant other and me.
One action, for instance, is quelling my boyfriend’s curiosity at this post (his hand is featured in the photograph above), and letting him read its content. You know, we’re building trust and all.
We haven’t conversed in awhile. This is becoming a repetitive starting point. The guilt hasn’t faded, but has increased as expected. There – it only took four tries to type ‘expected’ right. This Vicodin cough syrup is beginning to take hold.
A lot has happened. I was simultaneously rejected from one opportunity and accepted for another. It’s why my fingers have been so idle, silent. There was a quick news bulletin recently that had a local map on it. The map focused on the most difficult areas to find employment in the vicinity. The city temporarily holding me in place is listed as hosting the great number of unemployed, displaced workers in the region, while my hometown’s county is the second. Times certainly are rough.
I feel so gloriously blessed to be employed.
There have been a few hits of momentum lately. Holding a supervisory position at my young age is a bit daunting, but each daily challenge conquered only serves to increase my sense of competency and ability. Willing oneself to take necessary risks is one thing, but to feel secure in myself is another.
A dear friend of mine is single for the first time in years. Similar to my self-doubts, she is having some of her own. The bottom line is that one diminishes or decreases his or her possibilities by having a lower sense of self-efficacy and boundary lines. In order to be successful or at least comfortable, one needs to develop a can-do attitude.
Conclusion to follow….ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZzZZZZZZ
1. Self-sufficiency is a strange, glorious level to reach.
2. This background check is taking so long, I must have felonies in several states delaying the contract from getting approved.
3. Have I lived here so long that I’ve lost my hometown roots? I am finally confident in navigating around this place, but yearn for (an idea of) home more than ever.
4. Free music on Amazon.com rocks (but mostly sucks).
5. This disgusting, hacking cough has persisted for over a week. I am becoming an antihistamine junkie.
6. The statistics show that cohabitating couples usually do not last, and are less likely to result in marriage. I am going to give it a go anyway.
7. 16-year-old boys react the same as older males when presented with a choice. The end result will always be a Saturday spent in pajamas, not showered, playing video games.
8. Never turn down homemade blueberry, pumpking pancakes in favor of regular ones.
9. Writing a numerical list on a blog does not really count as publishing a legitimate post. It does not have the same feeling of satisfaction as those consisting of several paragraphs. However, it can be quite reflective of how the events of life feels, sometimes.
