For those not in the know, I am newly engaged (proposal story post upcoming!). My fiance and I decided to have a small, private ceremony across the country this summer. We are creating an informed elopement of sorts, a Catholic version and more like an intimate destination wedding. I’m looking forward to it and even thinking to write a book about our journey. We are throwing in a few adventurous things in along the way.

Still, I worried about my grandparents’ reaction to my plans. I opened my e-mail inbox today and froze. There was one unopened message. It was from my grandfather and held a foreboding subject title – FUTURE. Feeling hope, fear, and surging adrenaline, I read on:

HI RACHEL,

YOUR AUNT MENTIONED TO GRAM & ME ABOUT YOUR PLANS TO ELOPE, AND THAT YOU THOUGHT WE WOULDNT BE  HAPPY WITH IT.

GRAM & I HAVE ALWAYS SUPPORTED YOU IN ALL YOUR DECISIONS FOR WE KNOW YOU TO BE A VERY RESPONSIBLE AND SENSIBLE PERSON THAT DOES NOT DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH.

GRAM & I FEEL YOU ARE RIGHT  BY NOT BEING MATERIALISTIC ABOUT A LARGE WEDDING CEREMONY & RECEPTION. THE MONIES SPENT ON A RECEPTION CAN BE USED TO BENEFIT YOU FOR OTHER THINGS. SO BY ALL MEANS DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT.

GRAM & I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION.
LOVE GRAM & GRAMPA

Immediately, I dialed their home number, a phone number I memorized over 20 years ago. I choked out a thankful hello while wiping away unexpected tears.

We talked for over an hour. I am lucky, relieved, and grateful.

2. It’s vital to work as a team to balance work, home life, and domestic chores. We learned to make time for one another, despite our crazy schedules, and developed set routines. I believe it may change when we get older, but for now, we shop for groceries and drag our dirty clothes to the laundromat together. We set aside time to watch Netflix. I help him iron in the mornings when he’s running late. He calls to make sure I don’t sleep past my alarm clock. We pay bills at the same time. We’re fortunate in this mutual arrangement because so many couples living together split apart from not being able to work as a team. Our coordination exceeds any standard roommate situation.

3. We’re a united front – for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We divvy up the responsibilities, but also form a united front emotionally. We support one another through the ups and downs life offers.

4. Communication is key. I cannot emphasize this point enough, especially when you see the other person on a daily basis, share a small living space, and happen to disagree on something. Screaming, belittling, and cursing are unacceptable in our relationship. We make ourselves look at one another, take a deep breath, and sit down. Then, we hold hands and give each other a chance to have our say before talking it out. People in a committed relationship, but living apart from one another might be able to impulsively spout hurtful things without much forethought. Not us (further, he likes the way I cook and who would risk that perk?). I did not have the best role models when it came to understanding how this communication thing worked, but credit his patience and my personal development in college to really ironing out the kinks. Plus, our method gives us good practice in case there are little impressionable ears around in the future.

5. Have mutual consideration and respect for your significant place in each other’s lives. I am a pretty independent person, but have a bad habit of forgetting to let my boyfriend know if my day-to-day routine changes. Once, I went on a quick errand that turned into a few hours because I met up with an old friend unexpectedly there. I forgot to tell my boyfriend about this run-in and he grew concerned that I was hurt or missing. On occasion, I work late and forget to tell him too, which leads to more worry. I’m working hard to improve though though and making some progress.

6. Always show the other how much you love them, no matter how tired you might feel. Recently, I watched some vapid reality show, alternating between Chopped and Cops and ate dry cereal out of the box. I had tangled hair, smudged make-up, and old, worn clothing. He stopped, looked at me and said, “I would marry you just as you are now.” Your live-in partner sees all sides of you – not just you after you showered and dolled yourself up. He sees me at my worst and thinks I’m still wonderful. I am so lucky.

7. Compromise. From picking out housewares to the more formidable questions, like our parenting preferences and lifestyle habits…certain things are going to give. I am an admitted clean freak, but he is the polar opposite. We struggled a lot with learning how to live with one another. Now, he helps with chores and tries to keep house better while I repeat the mantra, “It’s just a small pile of clothes on the floor” a few dozen times a week so as not to become an overzealous nag.

Would you ever live with someone before marriage? Why or why not? If you are or have before, what did you learn?

The time it takes for avocados to ripen (inside of the refrigerator, not outside because otherwise they spoil too quickly in my kitchen) usually inhibits me from buying them more often. They are also expensive in these parts and nothing can stop their fast oxidation rates (they turn brown a short while after exposing the yummy green innards to air). Lastly, I have the right tools, but there’s only so much guacamole one can eat.

I’m not fooling you, am I? I love me some fresh guac and could probably eat it more than twice per week. You know you could too. I have high hopes that there are other things I can cook using avocado (even aside from Lingering Summer Salsa)! Plus, it’s healthy! Right?! These two reasons overrode my concerns; I bought four during my most recent grocery shopping adventure.

Oops. What ever shall we do with them?

I call it an adventure because even a city gal, transplant or not, could feel flustered, claustrophobic, and generally withdrawn after surviving the Sunday evening grocery crowd. Yikes. Avoid, everyone, if you value your lives!

Serving size: 2-3

Super simple ingredients:

- Two medium-sized avocados

- 1 tbsp lemon juice

- 2.5 tbsp (cracked) red pepper hummus, pre-made

[Read: Boiled Salmon and Creamy Rice with Asparagus, also using hummus]

- 1/4 cup cold water

- a healthy toss of cilantro

- 2 servings worth of whole grain spaghetti

Method:

1. Set water to boil in a medium to large pot. Introduce the pasta to the water. Continue to step 2 while you wait for pasta to reach al dente perfection, roughly 8-10 minutes.

2. De-pit avocados and dice. Place the hummus, avocado, water, lemon juice, and cilantro in a blender or food processor. Blend until smooth.

3. Drain pasta and place in serving bowls or on a plate along with your choice sides.

4. Spoon sauce on top, mix if desired. Serve immediately. This meal does not store well due to the avocado, but there may not be any left afterward. It was a huge hit here, and we ate it all.

Note: You can omit the lemon juice and substitute for 1/4 cup of lactose-free milk, if desiring a creamier sauce. The extra glucose in the milk will give the sauce a further subtle sweet taste and impress your guests (without upsetting any intolerant tummies).

Checkmate. Well-played, Vatican. Well-played.

Elopement and Catholic religious doctrine do not mix well. The former springs from spontaneity while the other promises a lengthy process. How can we explain that our eagerness to wed is not out of misinformed impulse? I never planned on living with someone before marriage or conducting the standard order backwards (cohabitation, planning a wedding, then engagement), but financial and personal factors (walking into my childhood room at the age of 19 and not seeing a bed any longer, not having somewhere to live near my place of employment) helped catapult us into this situation. It has not been a bad gig. We take care of each other. I have learned so much about his lifestyle habits, and he mine, that I feel our marriage will be stronger for this time than if we lived apart.

The Church wants the same end goal as me – to ensure my marriage is stable with enough of a foundation to last. I cannot help but argue, “Isn’t nine years enough of a history to move on with the show?” Then again, it’s like being tested in school. I may understand a subject, but this is not verified until I pass the required exams and the outcome shows on my transcript. I may feel ready for marriage, but similarly, a religious authority must agree to my level of proficiency, to my dedication in being bound to a Catholic marriage before it happens.

Studies reporting statistics between divorce rates and faith backgrounds are shaky, so I will not cite any sources here, as I do not trust them even if the results fall in my favor. Active Catholics are allegedly among those followers with the lowest divorce rates. I may believe it because my religion does take great pains in preparing couples for marriage. And divorce is such taboo. As a case in point, only one extended relative has ever been divorced in my family history.

Despite our deviations from the righteous path, my boyfriend and I both identify strongly with Catholicism and rediscovered our faith together in college. It would be easy to run to the Justice of the Peace and get hitched next week, but being recognized by the state in a civil union does not satisfy the sacrament of matrimony.

We need to speak with a few esteemed members in the clergy now that our initial plans are stalled. We will make several more phone calls. He and I are not giving up yet, but realize our time frame may be unrealistic. I’ll keep you updated.

Distracted
by obscure plans
to dress down
lace expectations
with a little more faith,
a little less glamour,
and a lot more hope.

Distracted
by obscure plans
becoming more clear,
spanning 6,000 miles
to elope.

Several of you were kind enough to request a recipe I mentioned in an earlier post. Well, I experimented a bit with the side dish since then and switched out spinach with grilled garlic cloves to rice, creamy and flavorful.

Spinach lovers can skip the rice. Instead, add coarsely chopped fresh spinach leaves to a separate saucepan with a little olive oil and water, and cook through with pressed garlic and a touch of ground black pepper to taste.

Time: 40 minutes

Serving Size: 2

Here is what you need:

• One medium/large deep-set non-stick pan or skillet.
• One medium sauce pot
• Silicon or non-stick spatula
• Serving spoon
• One salmon steak, sized to meet your serving needs. I selected one 6 oz. and cut it in half. Pre-frozen wild caught salmon is best, as the farmed variety makes up for its degraded quality with food dye (and who knows what else).
• 3 cups cold water
• 4 tbsp lemon juice or one freshly juiced lemon
• a healthy dash of dried cilantro, oregano, and basil
• 2 tbsp garlic powder or 1/2 one pressed garlic clove
• 4 tbsp minced onions

• 1 1/4 cups brown rice
• 1/4 cup seasoned hummus, garlic or red pepper infused preferred
• ~6 asparagus stalks, microwaveable steam-in-bag variety is quickest
• ~1/4 cup green peas, microwaveable steam-in-bag variety is quickest

Method:

1. Fill the sauce pot halfway full of cold water. Set to high heat.
2. Pour in the brown rice. Set to medium heat. Cover. Wait ~20 minutes. Brown rice takes longer than white rice to cook and does not have to be stirred. Doing so often results in softer, mushy rice.
3. Pour the cups of water into the deep-set pan and place on medium-high heat. Set salmon steak in the pan to cook. No oil needed. The salmon contains enough omega-3 fatty acids without contributing to the overall fat content (no matter how healthy olive oil is) – we’re trying to cut back on our fat intake in my house and this was truly an experiment.
4. Pour lemon juice on top of salmon steak. Add in the pressed garlic.
5. Dance a jig, preferably to some ridiculous song you haven’t listened to in years. Check on the rice. Try not to stir.
6. Raise heat on the salmon. Once beginning to cook, flip over. Use half of the herb seasonings and minced onion on the side facing up.
7. Steam the asparagus!
8. Don’t burn your fingers taking out the warm asparagus bag. Steam the peas! Set both bags aside carefully.
9. Continue to check the salmon steak. It should turn a nice tinged pink color, not too bland. The picture above depicts a salmon steak that was pre-cooked already and re-heated, so the texture and coloration is a bit off (still tasted good, but required a little re-hydration).
10. Season the other side of the salmon and turn the steak back over. Pour a little more water in as necessary if the original quantity evaporated out – remember, we do not want the salmon to stick or burn.
11. If the rice has plumped up (which it should by this time), drain. Quickly dice the asparagus. Place asparagus and peas in the rice, along with the hummus. Mix thoroughly.
12. Serve the salmon with the rice accompaniment.

I rarely cooked meals in college because my residential halls never offered suitable stoves and I used a meal plan regularly. However, I learned how to feel confident in the kitchen from very talented women in my family, and due to that comfort level, sometimes try a few wacky ideas without consulting The Internet. Occasionally I end up with something offensive to the senses and stomach lining from my spontaneous approach, but this turned out very well and was nearly applauded by my other half after the first bite.

Using hummus in a starch, like rice or pasta, is a very recently attempted trick. The hummus adds protein from the chickpeas (therefore, the meat entrée is optional, and truly, the rice could be served with a side vegetable), leaving behind a smooth, bold flavor and creamy texture. Experiment with it at first and adjust the amount to meet your taste buds – too much can overpower the rice, rendering it inedible to your pickier eaters and not very good to most others.

Coming up – a pasta dish with a spicy, avocado sauce!

Not so long ago (but long enough), I spent the first official day as a college graduate curled up in bed, sick with the flu. The stress in those final weeks kicked me around. Truthfully, I allowed it. In many ways, you’re handling this upcoming transition in your life more gracefully than me.

Your 10:30 a.m. partying holds a frenetic quality to it lately. Your unease encourages a skewed dance off/flip cup games to studying ratio a bit. The only grievance I have with the youthfulness of your livers is your sub-woofer thumping away at 2:00 a.m. without a care for whether I’m awake or asleep.

Credit for photo given to the original poster of this recently popular meme. Click for more reblogs on Tumblr.

Still, you’re stuck in the moment. You’re worried about your future. I get it. I was recently there. You’re enjoying this while it lasts because you know graduation is inevitable. Leases end. Friends move away and move on. And where will you be in the mix? It’s too confusing and indeterminate to figure out now. It’s easier to make some last memories that you will carry with you into retirement. Naturally, the only way to cope about impending adulthood is to throw your hands in the air while standing on your fire escape late at night and yelling, “Woooooo!!!!!” The added vuvuzelas help take the edge off.

It’s okay. I understand your desperate elation and creeping dread all too well. If I could bottle up those emotions and sell them to your parents as a reminder to what you’re going through, I would. It’s easy to forget what it was like. It’s still easy for recent grads like me to look forward to your departure; it’s not personal, but parking opens up when you leave and your old furniture become easy pickings. Hint: I could use a leather couch. You won’t even need to carry it down all those flights of stairs if you offer it to me first.

I know you are hardworking, that you have aspirations. Responsibilities. Student loan debt. Pressure.  You might be lining up job interviews, summer internships, and registering for graduate school. It’s a lot to digest and take in, to face and overcome. The pressure to find a job or start graduate school felt torturous. My mind blocked out the idea of combining both options, but remained fixed on an either-or scenario. No gray area. No compromise. It feels laughable now since I worked full-time during graduate school and survived (if barely). You will learn how to adapt your ideals to realistic possibilities. Until then, dream a bit more and sleep in.

I do not want to be the grouchy neighbor, or the insane one like Rachel and Monica had to deal with on an episode of Friends. You’re going through a lot and this is your downtime. Hopefully, you detect my reluctance with every halfhearted smack on our shared wall  for you to have awareness for those around you at three o’clock in the morning. I don’t put much force behind it because you will be on my side of the fence shortly, and that will provide a ceaseless wake-up call soon enough.

Are your priorities shifting? Mine did in my last undergraduate semester. The greatest chunk of learning one gains in college does not come from class lectures, but the relationships held with classmates, professors, and friends, the discussions and application that textbooks fail to emulate, and even the occasional late night out. My grades did not slip, but I consciously let go of a summa cum laude title for self-education and appreciation for the moment. It was the best thing I ever chose to do. I also know most of your families hold you in high esteem and care, while some will feel validation, or possibly bittersweet satisfaction since they accomplished a lot without much support. Whatever the case might be, celebrate. You worked for it.

Lastly, many of you are financing off-campus housing through a parent’s bank roll or student loans, in the hope that you will be able to afford rent solo come this summer. I imagine you feverishly editing through resumes and cover letters while executing a perfect keg stand as I type this out, and if so, I commend you. My slowly aging body can only handle so much caffeine in place of lost sleep, never mind alcohol, but luckily for us both, my patience is almost limitless since I dedicate my waking hours to students like you. Enduring a few more weeks while you let loose before pulling yourselves together will not break me.

After having gone through that tumultuous milestone, I do not envy you, but promise you will make it through. I’m rooting for you (from beneath my pillow).

So, enjoy. Prepare. Learn. Grow. And most importantly – congratulations!

Occasionally, people ask about my goals in blogging – am I monetizing my content? Looking to make a full-time living off social media? Mouthing off inner-teenager insecurities (as I used to do on MySpace and LiveJournal)? Wasting time? They also ask about my audience; yes, they want to know about you, what makes you visit, and whether I know your demographics, blood type, and family’s health history.

I don’t claim to be an expert (nor do I trust anyone who would openly plate that title without any further thought or evidence to back their self-promotion), but this blog is still spinning after six years and not easing any time soon. Many have been on the blogosphere for less, but they get more foot traffic with a greater Alexa rating. Their pool of Twitter followers exceeds the local population figures back in my hometown. It would take no effort at all for me to dismantle Chi Speak, dump the archives, and start fresh with a singular topic. I have no doubt I would do well. However, I believe my little home here offers an honest charm to it without material motives that you can relate to; your life differs from mine in many ways, but this blog covers enough to link and overlap the two as well.
Right now, I belong to an awkward age group: the mid-20′s. We tend to be educated and/or skilled, and energetic yet jaded. We struggle to balance our checkbooks while paying rent, student loans, car insurance, and smart phone data plans. Some of us live with our parents, while others marry and maybe even raise a few children. Many, like myself, live on their own, have roommates, or live with a significant other. I represent fellow young professionals a few years out from school, working hard in entry-level positions with perhaps a couple of promotions, raises, or promises to advance, or maybe no such opportunities at all. Facebook is starting to channel my mother by suggesting wedding dresses and engagement rings every time I log in. Being in my mid-20′s, I swear in annoyance and brag about how much better MySpace was, with its animated .gif backgrounds and loyal friend, Tom, while feverishly clicking ‘Not Interested’ or ‘Not Relevant’ links.

I’ve lived long enough to recognize my younger ideals and their limitations, to feel comfortable with who I am and what I believe, but still get adventurous in pushing the boundaries. I signed my 401K plan with a sigh when I saw how long it would be until I could legally retire, but I have a 401K – this is a good sign, right? I’m settling in to keeping house, but will give a slight squeak when the bathroom sink pipe emits strange clanking sounds or a huge, gross bug descends on my territory. I stay up until after midnight on a week night, let down my hair, and watch my laundry pile up a day or two later than I normally wash it.

I am really rebellious. And so much like you in the past, present, and/or future. Let’s learn from each other. We each have so much to offer.

You rattle my bones.

It’s like you’re searching for something to make you feel whole.

You make my heart beat faster.

And Lord knows there’s a method to her madness.

And all that counts
Is here and now

We’re standing side by side.